Saturday, November 20, 2010

I do my best thinking when I sit still.  It has to be a purposeful thing like making a naughty kid sit in a time.  I resist, but once I settle down I realize why I need quiet time to think, evaluate and dream.  I most likely fight getting still because sometimes things surface that jerk me around.
Since I’m very task oriented and linear, I like to follow sequences and read recipes and instructions.  It would be so much easier if life followed a program, and of course I would like to write the program.  When I realize things like that, I see how control hungry I am.  I don’t like that about me.
Maybe sometime in the next 30 years, with concentrated effort, I’ll be able to loosen my grip on what I think I have control over.  The truth is this; everything is out of my control and I just make myself tired trying to line life up to march like soldiers in cadence.  You would think by now I would whap myself on the forehead and say, “Oh, so life sometimes doesn’t really have an understandable rhyme or reason this side of heaven!”
The other day I read a quote from Pablo Picasso: “If I don’t have red, I use blue.”  It struck me that I fuss and whine about not having red and worry about how I’m supposed to color if I don’t have red.  I forget I have the other 23 colors in the box of 24 Crayolas and waste my time fretting because I don’t have red.
If one of the greatest artists in history didn’t consider himself handicapped or slighted because he might not have red why should I?  Why not spend my time using the blue or green or purple I do have.  I was like God whispered, “Relax and paint with the colors you are given. I’ve got everything under control. Just color and enjoy.”  

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